Here’s What’s Going On…

Hi. Sorry it’s been so long without a post. There are really two reasons. First, we have been pretty busy. School got out for the boys on May 29th. They were so ready for summer. And for the first time, I can honestly say I was, too. I was ready to relax on our routine for just a bit. For those of you who know me, I am extremely routine oriented; it honestly feels good to bring it down a couple notches. The second reason for being away from my blogging for so long is that I have been going through a range of emotions lately. For quite a while I was in a bit of a dark spot. I feel that I have some genuine healing going on. After talking to one of the pastors at our church, I feel that I have rounded the corner, so to speak. I know that I still have a ways to go for true healing, but as I told a friend, I finally feel that I can breathe on my own.

We just returned from visiting a dear girlfriend of mine in Sandwich, MA this past week. She called and asked if we would consider coming for a spontaneous visit. Again, for those of you who know me, you know I am definitely not spontaneous. However, I decided that maybe this trip was just what we needed. So, last Saturday, I loaded up the kids at 7am and drove to Sandwich. We arrived around 830 that night. We had so much fun with my friend and her 4 children. We went on a whale watch excursion, which I have to say, was amazing. The boat was not kind to me at all, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. We took the kids to the beach at low tide to dig for crabs one day. They had so much fun doing this. They were all sand covered and filthy, but they loved it. On Thursday, we loaded up at 230 in the afternoon and pulled in our garage at 4am. The trip home was long and exhausting, but we were so glad we went.

Finally, as many of you celebrated Father’s Day, I hope for those of you who will be speaking to your dad or visiting with him, that you will let him know how much you love him. Don’t take him for granted. A couple weeks ago, I realized that Father’s Day and the 6 month anniversary of Stefan’s death were on the same day. Wow. That hit hard. So, I started trying to think what we could do to on that day. I talked with friends and family and finally came to the conclusion, thanks to a dear friend, that I should not try to make the day so big that it would be a letdown at the end. So, I’ve decided that we are going to head to church together and then go to brunch. After that, I’m going to take the kids to the cemetery. I bought some rose petals that we are going to sprinkle at the gravesite for their dad. If you think about it, pray for Derek. He is really wrestling with whether he wants to go or not. He has not been to the cemetery since the funeral. The other day, I asked him if he would at least consider going. I’ve never wanted to force him to go, but I really wanted him with us tomorrow, as he has missed out going with us before. He hasn’t decided yet, but I talked to him some more tonight. He said he wants to go, but he knows he will be so sad. I let him know that that’s ok. Justin, Carley and I have all cried at the cemetery. Carley is actually so sweet now when we visit. The last time she and I went just the two of us. It was a beautiful sunny day. I sat on the grass beside the gravesite. She laid on top of the site on her belly. I commented on this and she said that she liked it like this because she was laying on her daddy’s belly. Anyway, sorry to digress; but I really hope Derek joins us. After the visit to the cemetery, the kids are going to make cards and write letters for their dad. I plan on doing this each year and keeping them in a special book for them when they get older. In the afternoon, my parents are coming up, and we’re going to head to Homestead Park for some playtime; and then we’re going to head to Cheeseburger in Paradise for dinner. We picked this because they have a gluten free menu for J.

So, while a big part of me is so melancholy in preparation for tomorrow, there is actually a part of me looking forward to it. I think our day is going to be just perfect.

So, even though you’re not here, Stef–Derek, Justin, Carley and I would love to wish you a wonderful first Father’s Day in heaven with your heavenly father. We miss you. We love you. Hugs and kisses.

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9 Responses

  1. Hey Sandi,
    Praying for each of you today.
    Jill

  2. You know that we are thinking of you and praying for you guys today of all days. One thing you can rest in is that Stef loved to be a father, and I am sure he felt the love of his family each day. We will pray the day goes smoothly.
    Love, Caron

  3. Sandi,
    You made me cry again. Praying for you today! Hope all goes well and you enjoy this day.
    Love you,
    Melanie

  4. Praying for your family today. This is a tough one, but God will get you through it. He is faithful always.
    We love you!

    Sharon

  5. Hi Sweetie!!!!

    Dad and I had such a marvelous time with the kids and you!!!! It was fun going out to eat and then to Homestead Park!!!! I even beat Derek twice in tetherball ( I may have cheated a bit!!) Derek is really good tho, so I needed something on my side. Jay, Carley and I went riding in one of the cars and I was even the “kid” so I had to sit in the back and they drove — scary thought, huh???? Have a wonderful day tomorrow, especially since there’s so much wash!! Love you kiddo!!! Dad and Mom 🙂

  6. Sandi, I did not realize until I was reading that the two days…Father’s Day and sixth month’s since Stef’s death coincided. I am praying for you both. I love the idea you had about saving the cards. It will give the kids something to look at later in their lives.

  7. Sandi, was definately thinking about you today and said a little prayer. I will give you a call soon because there is something I want to talk to you about.
    In Christ,
    Rachel

  8. Sandy, You always have such meaningful blogs. They are always filled with feeling. I cry each time I read them. No words that I could say could express my sadness for you and your children. This has been truly heartbreaking for you all. I pray that God’s arms will strenghten and hold you up while His Holy Spirit comforts each one who was saddened by Stefan’s passing.

    I agree with your friends who said not to make a big deal out of holidays and other special occasion. The first year is probably the hardest. I think you’ll feel better next year. You’ll get there. With God’s help you all will. Glad to hear that you had a great trip. Hope that you’ll have more fun trips together. God bless you all.

  9. As always…Stef was a dear friend whom I never did meet and I am praying for you and the kids.

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