Just Checking In…

Our Florida VacationSorry I haven’t updated for awhile.  I know several of you check this site regularly for updates.  This past week was a week of getting back into our routine plus really trying to figure out what our new routine will be.  I don’t think we have even come close to figuring it out, but we are trying.  The kids are doing ok.  They each struggle in their own way.  It is just so sad sometimes to watch these young children cry for their dad whom they miss desperately.  I just wish they could have been around him so much longer.  Since that was not possible, I only hope they can get to know him from hearing stories from me and other friends and relatives.  So, please continue to send those stories and memories to share!!  I am doing ok.  Sundays tend to be very rough days for me for some reason.  I’m not sure of the reason for that beyond the fact that that is the day of the week that Stef passed away.  Anyway, I have noticed that I really struggle on Sundays.  So, if you could, please remember us and pray for us especially on those days.  The adrenaline is completely gone now, so reality is setting in.  It seems to be getting more difficult, so I really enjoy keeping myself busy.  Unfortunately, my caffeine addiction or constantly keeping my mind active is also keeping me up at night.  I have a lot of difficulty sleeping.  I tend to get to sleep finally around 130 or 2 and get back up by 6.  I’ve always been an early morning person, but not really a late night person.  It is just hard once I put the kids to bed because the house is so quiet.  I enjoy the quiet somewhat, but it is different when it is a forced quiet.  I don’t really watch TV, so the night can get really long from 830 until I end up falling asleep.  Thankfully, I have some friends who check in with me late at night either by phone or dropping in, so I really love that.  It helps to pass the time.  I just think part of this is just adjusting to this new phase of life.  I have an incredibly hard time adjusting to change.  I fight it the whole way.  Even though it has only been 4 weeks and 2 days, I am discovering that the grief proccess is extremely difficult.  I’m not sure what people REALLY want to know, so I don’t alway feel that I can be totally honest.  Plus, that’s not always easy for me in general.  It’s hard to admit that life isn’t great.  I just miss Stef so much.  Anyway, sorry for the rambling post, but I guess that is what happens at 1217am.  Well, thanks to all of those who have so diligently checked in and helped take care of us.  We are so grateful.  Goodnight.

Oh, by the way, the above picture is one we took while we were in Florida.  Just thought I would share it with you.

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17 Responses

  1. Sandi,
    Thanks for the post and keeping us updated. From one night owl to another, if ya ever just need to talk, you can email me as my emails always open, and I’ll help you in any way I can. Even if it’s just to listen. Please know that you and your children are in my prayers. A month isn’t a long time as far as the grieving process goes. The road is long and rough but with God as your Guide, know that He will get you through this. I don’t know what it’s like to loose a spouse, but I do know what the loss of parents feels like. And trust me, talking to people will help you and keep your mind occupied. But when your in the quiet house, talk to God, He’s there and will help you through. And remember… Everything happens for a reason. I believe in angels, and like I said before, I believe your Guardian Angel came in the form of Stefan Tarapchak. May God be with you and keep you and your children. Take Care!

  2. You are so strong. I admire the way you are being “real” before your children and just taking this new journey one step at a time. I pray that you will continue to wait upon the Lord for he is the one who will bring your peace and carry you through those moments you aren’t sure how to get through. I will pray specifically for sleep for you. God bless you and keep you.

  3. Sandi, you and the kids are in my prayers!!! Im sure this isnt easy and I feel so hurt inside for you all!!! Time heals all wounds!!!!

    Take care of your self and thanks for posting!!!

  4. Sandi,
    Thanks for sharing still with us who want to hear how you are doing!
    I want to particularly remember you on Sundays now and in the late evenings.
    So grateful for those surrounding you and encouraging you through this journey.
    With hugs and prayers,
    Sue

  5. Sandi,
    Thank you for the continued updates.
    Your family remains in our prayers.
    ~Beth~

  6. Praying for you -especially on Sundays and in the evenings. Love the picture of you all in Florida. Your kids will always have that to remind them that they have a very strong Mommy — who also is very human and grieving right along with them. Praying for comfort for each new day.

  7. Sandi,

    You are in many people’s prayers, not only in Ohio, but other states as well. There are many people that you have never met who are praying for you and your family.
    I wanted to let everyone know that there was a beautiful memorial service in Sharon, PA (his hometown) for Stef that many of his family, childhood friends, and church family members were able to attend last weekend. They were able to show support to his mother, sister, step father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
    His mother, Kathy, and sister, Jen, are also among those who are grieving intensely for their loss of a son and brother. As we pray for you and the kids, I ask that others will also remember his mother, sister, and other family members who love him and miss him with all their heart. Their void is great and they are also grieving the loss of Stef in their lives.
    He touched so many people and made a positive difference in many people’s lives. I am blessed that he was a part of my family.
    God’s peace,
    Jan

  8. Still praying, especially in the evenings, and each time I wake up in the night.

  9. I posted about you on my blog and asked for prayers for you, so to echo what Jan said, there are people all over the country who are praying for you, people you’ve never met. Thank you for being real and transparent about your struggles. It helps us to know HOW to pray for you. Although some of our generation know what it’s like to lose a parent, many of us do not know (yet) what it’s like to lose a spouse. There’s a blog I visit often written by a Christian woman and mom of 6 who lost her husband last year, She’s very real about what she’s been through. It’s at http://lazydranch8.blogspot.com/ if you’re interested. My heart and prayers are with you.

  10. What a beautiful photo 🙂 I will be saying a special prayer for you each night as I lay down. For rest and comfort to help you through this process.

  11. Sandi, I will definitely be praying for you and the kids. Thank you for being honest about how you are doing.

  12. thanks for keeping us posted on how all of you are doing, it’s good to keep hearing from you. the picture of all of you in florida is great, especially cause it looks WARM!!

    i’m working on my memories, i was telling chad the other day that i always picked stef to be my partner when we had math or science projects cause he was so smart and so determined to do well. honestly i think he always did the hard work and never showed he was frustrated with me, but i bet he was. i also remember in early elementary he had a darth vadar shaped carrier with almost every star wars guy and he was so proud of it and so careful with it.

    can’t imagine how you must miss him, i’ll pray.

  13. Sandi, (and kids) We pray for you almost every night, and know that God’s grace will see you all thru.

    Jon, Lisa, Elizabeth and Katie
    Zeeland, Michigan

  14. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you and your children. I will continue to pray for comfort and peace. And especially that God will place LOTS of special people in your life to help you with the complexities of your situation whatever they may be~ friendship, financial, physical help with maintaining your home, trusted caregivers for when you need a break, trustworthy mentors for your boys, and anything else that you may need. God bless you and protect you.

  15. We continue praying and I have made a special “task” in my planner to pray, especially on Sundays, for you Sandi!

    Words seem so empty & meaningless at times…

    Just know you are being prayed for and thought of quite often!

  16. Yes, beach moments are the absolute best…so much to draw upon and a special closeness to God and his wonderful creation. So very glad to see you were able to seek the warmth and forge a new path by getting away for a while. The girls and I would escape to the beach whenever we were overwhelmed and found so much renewed strength for the next battle.

    Each of us handled our battles in different ways. Lauren escaped into books and Irish dance. Morgan and Shannon were about the age of Carley and escaped into their own world of friends, pets, sports, dance and singing. I spoke outloud to God, and myself just to remain sane. I’ve always been a late owl, so it was easier to talk audibly to Jesus when everyone else was asleep!

    My 1am prayer list is getting very long, the Tarapchaks are at the top. Keep your focus and trust on Jesus, he will guide your day and the routine. You are doing exactly what you need to be doing, for you and your family. Another lesson I learned is someone is always having a harder time than you. We can’t imagine and thank the Lord don’t know what it is like to be without Jesus by our side. God does provide what you need just when you need it, when you feel like you can’t catch your next breath or formulate the next thought.

    Sandi, Thank you for sharing your needs and struggles, and updating when you can. Peace, rest and daily strength…and a big hug! Lisa

  17. Dear Sandi,
    I just wanted to let you know that you and your family have been on my mind so much lately, and I have been praying for you. I will especially pray on Sundays and in the evenings. I don’t think you know me-I think I met Stef through MIchelle Gaffner Wood at Cedarville(she was my roommate). I unfortunately did not get too know him too well, but I will always remember the smile he had that would brighten up any room. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you are being bathed in prayer. In Christ’s love, Angie McMurtry

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