Friday Funny…

This segment has been missing for a few weeks. SO, here are a few one liners that I hope bring a smile to your face!!

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn’t.
2. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
8. I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.
9. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
10 NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
11. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
12. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
13. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
14. Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!
15. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
16. Procrastinate Now!
17. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
18. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
19. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
20. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
21. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
22. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
23. Ham and eggs? A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig
24. The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
25. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.


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4 Responses

  1. “It’s a small world..but I still wouldn’t want to have to paint it…” – Steven Wright

  2. In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!

    Lucky Day

  3. Wouldn’t background music just make life a lot more interesting sometimes?
    Unless of course you hated the music….
    then it would just be annoying, or drive you nuts!
    There’s usually some running through my head anyway and the good thing is I can change it whenever I want. 🙂

    Just wanted to let you know that you remain in my thoughts and prayers Stef.

    May the Lord be with you and give you some good laughs every day, even on the hard ones!

    Blessings to you!

    Susan

  4. These are great–and some ones I haven’t seen too! Thanks for the chuckle!!

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